freephonecalls2Occasionally I answer the phone at work and home.  Yesterday was another opportunity that made me wonder … what is going on in people’s minds when they call.  Examples …

ME: First Lutheran Church.

PERSON: Hello, I am “Jane Smith” of “So-and-So Ministry.”  I would imagine you are interested in keeping the people in your church happy, right?

ME: It depends …

PERSON: OK…good … we have a new 8-part video series that we would like to send you to preview called “Keep Them Happy.”

ME: How much will it cost me to keep them happy?

PERSON: Like I said, after previewing it, and I know you will love it, it will only cost you $149.85.  Can I send it for your 7-day preview?

ME: No…I may not get around to it in 7 days…and you would bill me then…right?

PERSON: Of course…it is a free preview…but after 7-days it is yours.

ME: For $149.85, right?

PERSON: But I know how much you want to keep your people happy, so I will put it in the mail today, OK?

ME: No!  If you do, you will not get it back … and you will not get your $149.85.  I am not interested.  Thank you.

PERSON: But if you keep it for over 7 days, we will bill you.

ME: Is this conversation being recorded?

PERSON: Yes it is.

ME: Then go back and listen to the part where I said “No…do not send it.”

ME: Lord of Life, how may I help you?

PERSON: Hello, is this the Lord of Life?

ME: No…but I spoke with Him earlier today.

ME: First Lutheran Church.

PERSON: Who is this speaking?

ME: Dr. Barry Kolb.

PERSON: I thought nurses normally answered the phone.

ME: Nurses?

PERSON: Is this the hospital on the Texas side?

ME: You may have mis-dialed.  This is First Lutheran Church.

PERSON: But you are on the Texas side, right?

ME: Yes, ma’am…we are.

PERSON: Thank you, good-bye.

ME: Hello!

PERSON: Is this the lady of the house?

ME: Do I sound like the lady of the house?

PERSON: Well…it has a woman’s name here on my list.

ME: And what list would that be?

PERSON: I’m sorry…but I can only talk to the lady of the house.

ME: I’m sorry too…

PERSON: Then can I speak with the man of the house?

ME: (click)

ME: Good morning, First Lutheran Church.

PERSON: Is this a church?

ME: Yes it is, First Lutheran Church.

PERSON: Is the priest in?

ME: I am the pastor, how may I help you?

PERSON: I want to talk with a priest.

ME: Are you trying to reach a catholic church?  This is First Lutheran Church.

PERSON: Lutheran? (click)

MORE TO COME … MAYBE …