blackboard_aphorismIn modern usage an aphorism is generally understood to be a concise statement containing a subjective truth or observation cleverly and pithily written … as in the following:

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.

Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: “Of all the radio stations in Chicago…we’re one of them.”

With every passing hour our solar system comes 43,000 miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist there is no such thing as progress.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?” The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.

When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

Lazlo’s Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats–approximately one billion Chinese couldn’t care less.

668: The Neighbor of the Beast

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not! But I’m sick and tired of being told that I am!

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Her kisses left something to be desired–the rest of her.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Always try to do things in chronological order; it’s less confusing that way.

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the president. 3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.

My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I realized that I had no character.

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don’t realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

Hobbes: Isn’t your pants’ zipper supposed to be in the front?

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”

“Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” — Kermit the Frog