Fortissimoe: the musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section.

Doltergeist: a spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank.

Giraffiti: vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Contratemps: the resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers.

Elepants: too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people.

Lollapalooka: someone who has taken one too many turns in the mosh pit.

Reintarnation: coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Inoculatte: to take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: terminal coolness.

Goodzilla: a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them.

Guillozine: a magazine for executioners.

Osteopornosis: a degenerate disease.

Suckotash: a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu.

Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like a serious bummer.

Vaseball: a game of catch played by children in the living room.

Deifenestration: to throw all talk of God out the window.

Acme: a generic skin disease.

Dopeler effect: the tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Nazigator: an overbearing member of your carpool.

Synapple: a perfect beverage to accompany brain food.