…if every 3,000 miles, you change the duct tape.

…if your current one is worth less than the bribe you have to pay to get an inspection sticker.

…if it is your father’s Oldsmobile.

…if your mechanic is storing part of his CD collection in your glove box.

…if hitting potholes is the only way to make the headlights come on.

…if your mechanic has to use his connections in Havana to get parts.

…if the panhandlers at red lights slip dollar bills in your window.

…if the OnStar lady keeps directing you toward a ravine.

…if the fuzzy dice are the only original parts. The left one, anyway.

…if the ashtrays in the back seat are full.