As heard on Car Talk this morning … ‘Why It’s Good To Be a Woman’

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
6. We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.

Spotted this on Phil Ressler’s blog and decided to pass on to others:

I recently happened upon this welcome message from Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Community on Jon Acuff’s “Stuff Christians Like” blog.

We extend a special welcome to those who are single, married, divorced, gay, filthy rich, dirt poor, yo no habla Ingles. We extend a special welcome to those who are crying new-borns, skinny as a rail or could afford to lose a few pounds. We welcome you if you can sing like Andrea Bocelli or like our pastor who can’t carry a note in a bucket. You’re welcome here if you’re “just browsing,” just woke up or just got out of jail. We don’t care if you’re more Catholic than the Pope, or haven’t been in church since little Joey’s Baptism. We extend a special welcome to those who are over 60 but not grown up yet, and to teenagers who are growing up too fast. We welcome soccer moms, NASCAR dads, starving artists, tree-huggers, latte-sippers, vegetarians, junk-food eaters. We welcome those who are in recovery or still addicted. We welcome you if you’re having problems or you’re down in the dumps or if you don’t like “organized religion,” we’ve been there too. If you blew all your offering money at the dog track, you’re welcome here. We offer a special welcome to those who think the earth is flat, work too hard, don’t work, can’t spell, or because grandma is in town and wanted to go to church. We welcome those who are inked, pierced or both. We offer a special welcome to those who could use a prayer right now, had religion shoved down your throat as a kid or got lost in traffic and wound up here by mistake. We welcome tourists, seekers and doubters, bleeding hearts … and you!

It’s the only type of cooking a “real man” will do. When a man volunteers to do the “BBQ” the following chain of events is put into motion:

1. The woman goes to the store.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the veggies.
6. The woman goes outside to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.”

And upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.

The association that controls Formula One racing has chosen a site for next year’s Grand Prix.  And it’s—get this—New Jersey!

Here’s our list of how the pit stops are going to be a bit more interesting this year. Add your suggestions below!

1. Drivers will always need exact change for the tollbooth on pit lane.

2. When a driver makes a stop for tires… the New Jersey pit crews will just take his wheels and leave. This makes the race more challenging when the driver has to negotiate to buy his wheels back.

3. Top drivers may be demoralized when they try to return to the track, and a guy driving a 30-year-old yellow cab refuses to let them cut in.

4. Every fuel stop will be slower than usual due to four or five particularly aggressive squeegee guys.

5. To make sure the pit crews are safe, the contractor has installed speed bumps…. Made of “former business associates.”

6. Pit crews are required to check in with drivers before beginning any repairs by asking, “How you doin?”

And…

7. The traditional yellow warning flag has been replaced with a picture of a guy “sleepin’ wit da fishes.”

When I was a high school teacher (Valley Lutheran in St. Charles, IL), walking down the hallway one day, a student (I think it was Kathy Zipoy) said, “Hey Mr. Kolb, how are you today?”   My response was something like  “Fine … or great … or OK!”  To which she responded with, “Then let your face know about it!”

A Puritan has been described as a person with a haunting fear that someone somewhere is happy.  Today many people would say the same about conservative Christians.  This is too bad, because we don’t find anything in the Bible, especially in the gospels, to support this way of thinking.

Jesus said to His followers, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be full.” (John 15:11)

Are you enjoying life?  Basking in the beauty of God’s creation?  Bursting into laughter with friends?  Giving way to merriment every now and then?  If not, take a moment today to lighten up.  Let your joy be full.  Don’t walk around looking like you have been baptized in vinegar!

Let your face know about it too!