+Vision+Mission+Passion+

Stuff From the Mind of Dr. Barry Kolb

+Vision+Mission+Passion+ - Stuff From the Mind of Dr. Barry Kolb

Meetings … Hours That Take Minutes

11071829_799959236741732_5072666615826202596_nIf everyone who ever attended a meeting were laid end-to-end … they’d all be a lot more comfortable.

Over the year I attended innumerable meetings … some good … some bad … and some ugly.

The good ones seemed to be those that actually had an agenda, a point, and lasted less than 90 minutes.

While it is nice be asked/trusted, I have attended many meetings that lasted long and ended with this question, “So, what do you think we should do, Dr. Kolb?”

My initial reaction was to say, “Not have this meeting … just ask ahead of time.”  But I usually just answered and moved on …

And of course, one of my favorite meeting statements was this: “It does no good to argue with you.  You always bring the Bible into everything.”

Another one: “We shouldn’t meet here in the worship center because I don’t feel I can say what I really want to say here in God’s presence.”

Or this exchange: “When will we meet again?”  “Why?”  “Well, we always do.”

Some great quotes …

“If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.”Dave Barry

“I think there needs to be a meeting to set an agenda for more meetings about meetings.”Jonah Goldberg

“A meeting consists of a group of people who have little to say – until after the meeting.”P.K. Shaw

 

It’s That Time Again!

indexIt’s that time of the year again — the NAIA Division II Men’s National Basketball Championships held at College of the Ozarks in Hollister, MO.

This will be my 4th year — and there is nothing like watching 31 games over a 6-day period!  Below you will see the first 2 days when each team will play once — and where the field is cut to 16!

First Round – Day One
March 11 | Keeter Gymnasium | Point Lookout, Mo.

Game 1 (8:30 a.m. CT) No. 15 Union (Ky.) (29-4) vs. Northwestern Ohio (25-7)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 2 (10:15 a.m. CT) No. 3 Cornerstone (Mich.) (28-5) vs. St. Thomas (Fla.) (17-12)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 3 (Noon CT) IU East (Ind.) (26-7) vs. No. 14 Concordia (Ore.) (24-6)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 4 (1:45 p.m. CT) Friends (Kan.) (17-15) vs. No. 2 Embry-Riddle (Fla.) (32-1)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 5 (4:00 p.m. CT) Dakota State (S.D.) (17-14) vs. No. 4 College of Idaho (28-5)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 6 (5:45 p.m. CT) No. 1 Indiana Wesleyan (31-2) vs. Brescia (Ky.) (19-10)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 7 (8:00 p.m. CT) No. 13 College of the Ozarks (Mo.) (25-6) vs. Cardinal Stritch (Wis.) (24-9)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 8 (9:45 p.m. CT) No. 16 Warner Pacific (Ore.) vs. Olivet Nazarene (Ill.) (25-8)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap

Back to Top


First Round – Day Two
March 12 | Keeter Gymnasium | Point Lookout, Mo.

Game 1 (8:30 a.m. CT) No. 11 Saint Francis (Ind.) (25-7) vs. St. Francis (Ill.) (23-9)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 2 (10:15 a.m. CT) No. 7 Bellevue (Neb.) (28-5) vs. Grace (Ind.) (21-10)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 3 (Noon CT)
Tabor (Kan.) (19-12) vs. No. 6 Morningside (Iowa) (27-4)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 4 (1:45 p.m. CT) Southern Oregon (24-9) vs. No. 10 Midland (Neb.) (26-7)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 5 (4:00 p.m. CT) No. 5 Dakota Wesleyan (S.D.) (28-4) vs. Milligan (Tenn.) (20-10)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 6 (5:45 p.m. CT) Ashford (Iowa) (21-11) vs. No. 12 Bethel (Ind.) (27-6)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 7 (7:30 p.m. CT) Briar Cliff (Iowa) (22-10) vs. No. 8 Davenport (Mich.) (27-6)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap
Game 8 (9:15 p.m. CT) No. 9 Mount Mercy (Iowa) (26-4) vs. Cal Maritime (19-9)
• Live Video • Live Stats • Box Score • Recap

Obedient or Just Religious?

obeySome time ago I ran across a wedding prayer that illustrates how subtly we can substitute religious talk for obedience. This is a girl praying on her wedding day:

“Dear God. I can hardly believe that this is my wedding day. I know I haven’t been able to spend much time with You lately, with all the rush of getting ready for today, and I’m sorry. I guess, too, that I feel a little guilty when I try to pray about all this, since Larry still isn’t a Christian. But oh, Father, I love him so much, what else can I do? I just couldn’t give him up. Oh, You must save him, some way, somehow. You know how much I’ve prayed for him, and the way we’ve discussed the gospel together. I’ve tried not to appear too religious, I know, but that’s because I didn’t want to scare him off. But he’s not totally against you or anything. I can’t understand why he hasn’t responded. Oh, if he only were a Christian. Dear Father, please bless our marriage. I don’t want to disobey You, but I do love him and I want to be his wife, so please be with us and please don’t spoil my wedding day.”

That sounds like a sincere, earnest prayer, does it not? But if it is stripped of its fine, pious language, it is really saying something like this:

“Dear Father, I don’t want to disobey You, but I must have my own way at all costs. For I love what You do not love, and I want what You do not want. So please be a good God and deny Yourself, and move off Your throne, and let me take over. If You don’t like this, then all I ask is that You bite Your tongue and don’t say or do anything that will spoil my plans, but let me enjoy myself.”

Adopting the Hipster Look?

Coming out of the seminary, like most grads, I wore the traditional pastoral robes (alb and stole with a pectoral cross).

However as I got more and more involved in “contemporary” worship, I dumped the robes and for the most part I have worn a suit and tie, though in the summer, short-sleeved shirts were always worn.

Occasionally I get invited to speak at churches where their pastor and worship leaders and teams have adopted what I would call a “hipster” look/style.  When I share God’s Word there, my look is more like a casual funny seminary prof as someone told me not long ago.

Recently I attended a conference in San Antonio where many of the younger pastors (and even a few closer to my age) had adopted this hipster look of jeans, shirt hanging out of your pants, and a sport’s coat.  Not surprisingly, our former synodical president (a dapper dresser) who was a presenter commented about it, though he admitted to dressing much the same way … at home!

This past Sunday I was invited to an Oscar party in our neighborhood and was told to “dress up.”  No way was I going to put on a suit and tie on this rainy, icy night, so I decided to try a bit of the hipster look instead.

Understand that my days of wearing skinny jeans have long since passed me by!  But, I still own jeans and boots (I do live in Texas!), and wearing my shirt untucked is no problem!  And I do have a cool looking cross made for me by an inmate friend at Angola.  Top that off with a new sport’s coat … and even the unshaven look … well … here it is!

hipster

Only a Husker Will Understand!

imagesThe year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States.

A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Lincoln and asks, “So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?”

“I don’t think so. It’s a long drive; your mom isn’t as young as she used to be, we’ll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad, I’ll send Air Force One or another support aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door,” she said.

“I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?”

“Oh, Dad,” she replied, “I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in New York.”

“Honey,” Dad complained, “You know we can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.”

The President-elect responded, “Don’t worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. And I’ll ensure your meals are salt-free. Dad, I really want you to come.”

So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on January 20, 2024 arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States.

The parents of the new President are seated in the front row. The President’s dad sees that a Senator is sitting next to him and leans over and whispers, “You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?”

The Senator whispered in reply, “Yes, sir, I sure do.”

Dad says proudly, “Her brother played football at Nebraska!”

Drive At Your Own Risk

'For all my friends and family that have never ventured to Dallas, Daalis, or Dallus, here is an aerial view of one of the major mix masters (highways intersecting) that is fairly close to where we live. </p><br />
<p>TRUE STORY! Driving in Dallas......<br /><br />
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.</p><br />
<p>Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. (Frisco has screwed everything up.)</p><br />
<p>Dallas has its own version of traffic rules... "Hold on and pray."<br /><br />
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas . We all drive like that.</p><br />
<p>All directions start with, "Get on Beltline," which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN'T!!!)</p><br />
<p>The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.</p><br />
<p>If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.</p><br />
<p>Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.</p><br />
<p>All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth !"</p><br />
<p>If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators - and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ..</p><br />
<p>All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas ..</p><br />
<p>Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road . On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman ...</p><br />
<p>The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman .</p><br />
<p>If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas , you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed... and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas<br /><br />
The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!</p><br />
<p>A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.<br /><br />
It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway . Don't let this confuse you.</p><br />
<p>LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap."<br /><br />
If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it's Spring) - and it is the Texas State Fair if it's Fall.<br /><br />
If you go to the Fair, pay the $15.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.</p><br />
<p>Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.</p><br />
<p>Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... remember, it's legal to Be armed in Texas.'

For all my friends and family that have never ventured to Dallas, Daalis, or Dallus, here is an aerial view of one of the major mix masters (highways intersecting) that is fairly close to where we live.

TRUE STORY! Driving in Dallas……
First you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.

Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. (Frisco has screwed everything up.)

Dallas has its own version of traffic rules… “Hold on and pray.”
There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas . We all drive like that.

All directions start with, “Get on Beltline,” which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN’T!!!)

The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.

Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.

All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Fort Worth !”

If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect. Car horns are actually “Road Rage” indicators – and remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas ..

All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas ..

Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road . On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, Ave K, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman …

The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman .

If asking directions in Irving or SE Dallas , you must have knowledge of Spanish. If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet. If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed… and remember, it’s legal to be armed in Texas
The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!

A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway . Don’t let this confuse you.

LBJ is called “The Death Trap” for two reasons: “death” and “trap.”
If it’s 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend. If it’s 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it’s Spring) – and it is the Texas State Fair if it’s Fall.
If you go to the Fair, pay the $15.00 to park INSIDE Fair Park . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, and possibly a gunshot wound. If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.

Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.

Final Warning: Don’t Mess With Texas Drivers … remember, it’s legal to Be armed in Texas.

What Next?

hey-man-86193085I was thinking earlier today (yes, I actually do that) …

In my life things continue to change.  One of them leaves me slightly puzzled right now and I am wondering where to turn.  It has to do with a word I have had to re-learn continually.  This is my journey …

“Hey, how you doing, man?”

“Hey, how you doing, dude?”

“Hey, how you doing bro?”

“Hey, how you doing, dog?”

What next … help a man or dude or bro or dog out!

Hilariously Sad Prediction Come True!

10996044_10203705731870798_2906483285883895810_nAbout a decade ago, thinking about the current stage of church in our land, and the desire to get it over with as fast as possible, I made a bold prediction.

Actually I had talked about it this before, often remarking, “Even The Lutheran Hour is only 30 minutes these days!”

At any rate, talking with friends, I opined that I saw a day when churches would have drive-thru windows like most fast-food places.  The pastor (or probably the administrative assistant) would be there to take the order … and it would be something like this …

“Good morning! Welcome to Quick Church in the Valley!  May I have your order please?”

“Yes, we’d like one sermon on tape, 2 communions to go, and a couple of those coloring books for the children.  And if you have blessed doggie treats or a toy that looks like a mouse for our cat, that would be great!”

“OK, that’s 1 sermon on tape, 2 communions to go and 2 coloring books … and yes we can take care of your furry family members as well.  Plus, today we are running a one-day special on our pastor’s latest book, ‘Instant Forgiveness.'”

“Not today, thank you.  But if he could be at the payment window and wave a blessing that would be cool and the kids would love it.”

“Sorry, but he is not available today, so please pull up to the tithe window and have your credit card available for check-out.”

Now I was being facetious … or was I?  Was this the future of the church?  Well, the picture attached seems to mean I may have been right!

As Luther said, “From this preserve us, Heavenly Father.”